A Letter from Maxine

Cora,

I just thought I'd share with you what I am experiencing with my mother at a rehab/nusring facility so that you can pass on advice to others in my position, as family to one receiving such services.

This past Monday, I learned, quite by accident with a chatty nurse, that my mother was getting finger sticks 4 times a day to monitor her blood sugar levels because she was either "diabetic prone" or had "steroid treatment" in the recent past, neither of which was true. I put an end to this!

I also realized, after seeing it on her menu daily, that "reduced calories" meant that she had been getting a reduced calorie diet despite the fact that one horrendous concern was her radical weight loss at Crozer, who did not feed her for 8 days after her surgery. That stopped when I threatened to get ugly with the facility. Yet, tonight she had the reduced calorie menu again!

I looked at my mother's identification bracelet, quite by accident, but by God's providence and realized it was the ID bracelet for her roomate. The problems this could have caused were obvious, yet the nurse when told said, "I have no idea how that happened" and went back to work on charts, ignoring me. With my insistence, she went in and spent 5 minutes trying to get it off my mother's wrist. It was then that I learned that my mother had her own ID as well as the roomates, on her wrist........and I have no idea how that happened!

My mother has severe arthritis of the spine and severe scoliosis. I recently learned that she spends all day in a regular wheel chair, sitting straight up n a very awkward position, and requested a geri-chair that is padded and reclines. One week later, after being promised that she would have the new chair, she is still in the painful old chair.

And so it goes. I am aware that she is headed for eternity with the Lord and that I will eventually be with her, but I do not want her to suffer and she has no voice to complain, as she is aphasic, and she does not hear and the facility will not put in her hearing aid.

These are some of the travails of the care-giver. When our elderly members enter such places, maybe we can become involved. There are privacy and legal entachments, but what my mother has endured has been vile and unnecessary. What happened in Crozer where surgery was done, was as bad!

Our elderly saints need our protection. I am not sure how this can be accomplished but "just" praying may not be enough, whenthe elderly are unable to communicate on their own. Not sure what the outcome of my concerns will be but I am praying not only for my mother but for all of our saints who are in similar situations. And I do trust God will honor them and help us know how to help them.

Warm regards,

Maxine

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Cora,

I forgot to mention that what I will be doing is visiting, unannounced, this facility on a daily or every other basis. I already have a notebook filled with details, showing who, what when and where. In addition, I've already got the phone number of the Dept of Health where such violations as my mother has experienced can be reported. If these facilities think they will lose Medicare funding, they start changing things, as the state reports online show.

I just wonder how many elderly are in facilties and have no family to advocate for them including my mother's roomate whose "friend" visiting her, told me that she has only a legal advocate who sees her once a month.

And I am clearly reminded of the consequences of the original sin in our lives when I see what is happening here on earth. May God continue to have mercy on us and on our elderly saints whose lives are deteriorating prior to entering His kingdom.

Maxine

November 22, 2009 11:00

Caring for Caregivers, Dr. Cheryl Sanfaçon will discuss grief.

Next week,

November 29, 2009, Micheline Watrous will discuss the physiological cost of caregiving.

The class meets in 315 S. 17th Street, 1R.

A Note from Cora

Dear friends,

This week at the Caring for Caregivers class Bruce Gunther will be with us to talk about legal matters that caregivers need to know. I have heard this lesson once before and it is very, very good and full of valuable information.

While I haven't been able to reach Bruce to talk about what he plans to cover in his time with us, the last time he did this segment he talked about power of attorney, wills, estates, advance directives, etc.

If you are a caregiver, either long distance or in your home, you will definitely want to hear what Bruce has to say to us.

Also, we will have a room change for this Sunday( November 15th).

The Caregivers class will meet in the second floor rear class room, and the premarriage class will meet in our usual first floor classroom because one of our presenters for that class cannot do stairs, and we have been meeting in the handicap accessible room.

I look forward to seeing you on Sunday.

Cora

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:17 PM

Subject: Caregiver's Class

Hi Cheryl,

Pat and I were out of town last Sunday, so I don’t know what went on during the Caregiver’s class. The previous two weeks were led by Pastor Joseph Trumpetta. It’s hard for me to explain how much healing these two classes brought to my life without a very, very long email, but I’ll try to distill the essence of those classes.

The first week started with Joe showing a very short, but powerful film of an elderly woman sitting in a chair and simply expressing the solitude and loneliness she felt as well as the profound loss—particularly the loss of human touch. Her husband was deceased and the loss of human touch added to her general feeling of loneliness. The other severe loss was that of “personhood”. She was now a “problem” that needed to be dealt with by her family and this film was a powerful reminder that although she outwardly looked so frail and different, inside she was still the person she had always been.

The second week’s discussion was a continuation and follow-up from the first week. Pat and I were able to share that as a result of the class and the film that we made more of an effort to touch and hug my mother, to be more physical. I purposefully got a movie that I knew Mom would like and invited her to view it with me, asked Mom to join me on errands, instead of just running out by myself, things like that. Joe suggested that we spend time writing down our loved one’s stories. By doing so, this helps them to re-live events which reminds us who they are through the things they participated in. Another class participant brought her husband’s old baseball glove to the nursing home where he is due to Alzheimer’s disease and this helped him to remember and speak about “those baseball days”.

Joe shared some resources that he thought would be helpful as well:

“Caring for Your Aging Parents (When Love is Not Enough)” by Bob Deane. Pub. by NavPress

“Caring for a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Disease (A Christian Perspective)” by Eliz. T. Hall

magazine-“Living with Loss” 1-888-604-4673

Websites:

www.focusonthefamily.com

click on “Midlife & Beyond”, then click “Midlife Issues”, the click “Becoming Your Loved One’s Caregiver”.

www.centerforloss.com

“Serving and Challenging Seniors (To Encourage Ministry to and by Seniors)” by Dr. George Fuller 1-800-283-1357

This resource is the work of PCA Pastor, Dr. George Fuller and contains 8 chapters written by various pastors. I This is a well-recommended resource and a copy is in our own church library.

Although my circumstances at home have not changed, these two classes have impacted my life so that I am changed and am better able to actually enjoy this gift of caregiving that the Lord has graciously entrusted me with. To Him be all the glory!

Gina Glennon

A note from Gina

We have been back to the Caregivers class ( 11'o'clock/ 315 first floor back) and it’s been good to come together with fellow believers who are going through similar situations.

A few books that Deborah Armstrong has recommended over the last few weeks are:

“Overcoming Hurts and Anger” by Dwight Carlson;

“Make Anger Your Outcome” by Neil Clark Warren and

“In the Likeness of God” by Philip Yancey and Dr. Brand.

This last book speaks about the wonder of our human bodies as God has made them.

Also, if you or anyone you know suffers from seasonal disorders and in need of more sun than the winter months often give, a good resource is “The Sun Box Company”. http://www.sunbox.com/

Topic and speaker for Oct 18 and 25

Today and next Sunday Rev. Joe Trombetta, who has ministered in a hospice program for 25

years and to a relative with Alzheimer’s, will teach the Caring for Caregivers class at 11:00 am at 315

S. 17th Street, 1Rear.

Upcoming speakers...

Dear friends,

I want to invite you to visit our Caring for Caregivers class that meets at 11:00 a.m on Sunday morning. This week Dr. Deborah Armstrong and a pastor friend from Allentown will teach about building spiritual and psychological resiliance while cargiving.

Then, for the next two weeks, Rev.Joe Trombetta, who has been in hospice ministry for 25 years, and who had a relative with Alzheimer's living in his home in recent years, will talk about ministering to elderly parents.

I'm also working on scheduling a doctor to talk about medical issues with elderly patients, and Bruce Gunther has promised to do class on the legal aspects of caregiving: power of attorney, wills, advance directives, estates, etc.

I understand that 11:00 a.m. is not the most convenient meeting time for many of you. Since we ran out of space at the 9:00 a.m. hour I really needed to schedule this class for the 11:00 am. hour.

Sincerely in Christ,

Cora

An Update from Cheryl B.

Last week I attended the first Caring for the Caregiver Sunday School class, and there were just two couples and myself there to talk and compare stories about the particular caregiving situations in which we find ourselves. We ranged from one family having an elderly and ill mother living in house, to another family having a 90 y/o still living in his own home in a state on the other side of the country. They help him in a long distance sort of way, with the occasional long and costly flight back and forth; and then my situation is in between (my Mom living in her own apartment and pretty independent, but close enough for me to drive back and forth to visit her and to see her needing more help but not having a way to answer that need).

All three families who made it to the S.S. Class are grieving at one level or another over the situations in which we find ourselves, and all are working through that and doing what we can as our parents move into this final stage of life.

There is no doubt in my mind that there are many others in the Tenth Community who are dealing with these types of situations or some variation on these themes.

I suspect that the attendance at this class will not be high, as people are very busy and involved at other places in the church during the 11 o'clock service which is when the class is scheduled. In fact, I will not be able to attend it regularly after tomorrow because of prior commitments.

Dennis and Cheryl Sanfacon will be hosting the class throughout the rest of the quarter; I am looking forward to the helpful and encouraging information which the Sanfacons and other speakers will be offering each week and hope to encourage and be encouraged by the others who attend.

Dear friends...

This autumn quarter in Adult Bible School we are planning to do another class on "Caring for the Caregivers" for people who are caring for family members with special needs, whether elderly parents or other family members who need special care.

Although we have done this course once, we are rethinking what to include and what format this will take, and as caretakers, past or present, I wonder what would be most helpful to all of you. That is, what areas would you find it most helpful to discuss? What kind of things would be most supportive and encouraging to you? What kind of information do you need? I am planning to ask Bruce Gunther, for instance, to talk about legal matters: power of attorney, wills, living wills, etc.but I am sure that there will be more information that would be helpful, I'm just not usre right now what that might be.

I anxiously await your input!

Thanks,
Cora